Topic: What Is Self Evident?

Albert Einstein:  Energy equals mass times the speed of light squared.

Phil:  Where did all that energy go?  Oh dear, what's the matter now?  Dimensional phase change?"

Stephen Hawking:  "However, one cannot really argue with a mathematical theorem."  "My goal is simple.  It is a complete understanding of the universe, why it is as it is and why it exists at all."

Phil:  "There are limits of course.  Abstraction is always incomplete. There is only one complete model of Reality.  Full scale."

Stephen Wright: "You can't have everything, where would you put it?"

Isaac Newton:   “If I have seen further than others, it is by standing upon the shoulders of giants.”

Phil:  "Did you see the Darryl Hannah version of 'Attack of the Fifty Foot Woman?'"

Barbara Seaman:  Condoms should be marketed in 3 sizes, jumbo, colossal, and super colossal, so that men do not have to go in and ask for the small.

Werner Heisenberg:  "It is not surprising that our language should be incapable of describing the processes occurring within the atoms, for, as has been remarked, it was invented to describe the experiences of daily life, and these consist only of processes involving exceedingly large numbers of atoms. Furthermore, it is very difficult to modify our language so that it will be able to describe these atomic processes, for words can only describe things of which we can form mental pictures, and this ability, too, is a result of daily experience. Fortunately, mathematics is not subject to this limitation, and it has been possible to invent a mathematical scheme - the quantum theory - which seems entirely adequate for the treatment of atomic processes; for visualization, however, we must content ourselves with two incomplete analogies - the wave picture and the corpuscular picture."

Phil:  "What's the matter?  Dimensional differential juxtaposition? Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle?"

Ben Franklin:  "Time is money."

Phil:  "Can the human mind grasp a what's-sa-ma-giggy-do-hickie?"

Thomas Carlyle:  "Speech is silvern, Silence is golden."

Phil:  "Did you take two aspirins?"

Anonymous:  "Love makes the world go 'round."

Phil:  "If it's real, it has an electron volt equivalent."

Donald Trump:  “It's tangible, it's solid, it's beautiful. It's artistic, from my standpoint, and I just love real estate.”

Rosalind:  "Thou speak wiser than thou art ware of."

Phil:  "For a discerning standard model, that's a massive proposition."

George Washington:  "If the freedom of speech is taken away then dumb and silent we may be led, like sheep to the slaughter."

Oprah Winfrey:  "He's the one."

Psalm 23:  "The Lord is my shepherd..."

Phil:   "Alchemy?  So far it still takes about 13 billion years to make gold.   A second generation star must go supernova.  

Genesis:  And God said, "Let there be light," and there was light. 4 God saw that the light was good, and He separated the light from the darkness. 5 God called the light "day," and the darkness he called "night." And there was evening, and there was morning—the first day.

Al Sleet, the Hippy Dippy Weatherman:  "Weather tonight: dark. Turning partly light by morning."

Ptolemy:  I know that I am mortal and the creature of a day; but when I search out the massed wheeling circles of the stars, my feet no longer touch the earth, but, side by side with Zeus himself, I take my fill of ambrosia, the food of the gods.

Phil:  "7500 years of Humanity celebrating in one form or another, the return of the Sun to the Northern Hemisphere.  Let's Partae!    Merry Winter Solstice!  In fact, let's call it a Happy New Year!  WooHoo!  It seems like the whole Northern Hemisphere is turning green."

Madison:  "Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!"

Our Continuing Discussion on Self Evidence Will Resume Tomorrow....

"Cavemen Today!"

Yogi Berra:  "It's déjà vu all over again."

A long, long time ago.....

Son: "I want fly"

Chief: "no good"

Son: "yes, bird"

Chief:  "huh?"

100,000 years later....

Son:  “I think it would be fun to be able to fly like a bird.”

Chief: “OK, but we’ll need to build a flying machine.”

Son: “That would be great!”

Chief: “But first we're gonna have to figure out how to cultivate and domesticate so we can stay put.

Son:  “Why do we have to stay put?”

Chief “’Cause we're gonna need to build a factory”.

Son:  “That would be fantastic!  I'm tired of wandering around looking for food all day long.  

Chief:  “Daughter, you know how these plants work don’t you?”

Daughter:  “I know a little magic.”

Son:  “What’s a factory?”

25,000 years later....

Chief:  I tired of all these other tribes stealing our crops and livestock. 

Son:  We need to build a fence.

Chief:  A  fence!  Great idea!  A strong fense!  And maybe some religion, too, now that we have this gardening  thing down.

Son:  Religion?

Chief:  Cooperation without having to explain all the magic that goes into our establishment! 

Son:  What about Universal Education?

Chief:  Huh?  This magic is what gives us the power, Son.  And it’s proprietary. 

Daughter:  Don’t I get some credit?

Chief:  SHH! 

Daughter:  “Cavemen!”

10,000 years later....

Son:  Where do we come from?

Chief:  That’s a good question?  You came from your mother.

Son:  Where did she come from?

Chief:  Her mother.

Son:  Where did the first mother come from?

Chief:  A fruit fell to the ground and the first mother sprang up.

Son:  Where did the first father come from?

Chief:  Another fruit fell to the ground and the first father sprang up.  Then they had a picnic. They ate some fruit, and some time later in the Spring out sprang the first off spring from the first mother.

Son:  Fruitful Spring!  
Chief:  The Fountain of Youth!
Son:  How do you know this?

Chief:  Huh?  I figured it out.  Why, don’t you believe me?  Are you on this Universal Education thing again?

Son:  Your guess is as good as mine.

Chief:  Believe me!  It’s true!  Now you listen to me.

Son:  Where did everything come from?  A really big fruit?

Chief:  Yes, from a really big fruit tree.

Son:  So we’re all descendents of a really big family fruit tree.  Well, why didn’t you say so?

Chief:  Is that all?

Son:  Where did the really big family fruit tree come from?

Chief:  Now you listen to me!  If you look up into the night sky, every night you’ll see a fruit falling from the sky.  From the really big fruit tree.

Son:  You’ve got all the answers, don’t you?

Chief:  I better had, I’m the leader of this tribe. A lot of people are counting on me.  So you listen to me, you hear?

Son:  I think we need a university.

Chief:  Huh?  What’s a university?

Son:  But first we need to do some research.

Chief:  Where are you going? We already have a calendar shrine! We already know when to plant the seeds.

Son:  I gotta wander.  It’s in my genes.

Chief:  Be sure and write.

Son:  WHEN I FIGURE THAT OUT I WILL!

Chief:  WAIT!  I DON’T KNOW HOW TO READ!

Son:  WHO DOES?  FIGURE IT OUT!

Chief:  Great!  What is this world coming to? Reading and writing and ‘rithmetic.   My bankers already know ‘rithmetic.  Maybe they can help.  DON’T FORGET ABOUT YOUR ROYALTIES!  Kids these days.  DON’T YOU WANT TO SETTLE DOWN?  DON’T YOU WANT TO FLY LIKE A BIRD?  I thought everyone wanted to fly like the birds.  Maybe my bankers can help.  They already know about ‘rithmetic.  Wait a minute.  What’s he going to write on?  Rocks?  Wet clay tablets?  That might work.  Wet clay tablets baked in the sun.  Or in the fire.  Yeah. This establishment thing is starting to get complicated.

Banker:  You’re right.

Chief:  Yeah, but we don’t have a postal service.  Or even addresses.  OK.  We need addresses!  Write this down!

Banker:  Who, me?

Chief:  Take a memo!

Banker:  All I know is how to write down numbers.

Chief:  Well, think of something.  You’re the new tribal scribe!

Banker:  I am?

Chief:  I gave you a promotion! 

Banker:  I’m already the wealthiest caveman here.

Chief:  You are?  I thought I was!

Banker:  That’s what I meant!

Chief:  Are you sure?

Banker:  Yes!  I’ll be happy to be the new tribal scribe.  How about calling me the Banker Tribal Scribe.

Chief:  OK Banker Tribal Scribe.  Well, where’s your writing material?  You’re gone write this down with that little stick?

Banker:  Yes.  On this wet clay tablet. 

Chief:  “What is an address?  Suggestions welcomed.”  Got it?  Print that up and circulate it throughout the village.

Banker: I can’t write that yet, and nobody can read it anyway.

Chief:  Well,  let’s start a village school.  Get on that right now. 

Banker:  And invent written language too?

Chief:  What’s the matter? Create a code with symbols. We’ll call it “Tongue.” If you need some help, get some. And make it snappy!

Banker:  Who does he think I am, Bill Gates? And what about all those things that don't have a name that we just point to and say that? 

Chief:  Name them. 

Banker:  Name them all?  Oh! Now I'm a tonguologist! Tonguology.  This could be fun. 

Chief:  What's a motorcycle?

Coach:  I have a new game for the masses, Chief.

Chief:  What are masses?

Coach:  I have a new game for our tribe?

Chief:  OK, lets hear it.

Coach:  We create two teams of players, and they try to get the ball into the goal.

Chief:  What's a ball?

Coach:  It's like an egg, but round.

Chief:  OK.  So what?   That's it?  They steal an egg and put it in a nest?

Coach:  No, not exactly.  The ball is bigger and it's made from leather.

Chief:  You got a big egg.

Coach:  Well, the really fun part of this game is they can't use their hands.

Chief:  So how do they get the big egg into the big nest?

Coach:  They use their feet.

Chief:  So why can't they use their hands?

Coach:  I don't know, I just thought this game up. But they can use their heads.

Chief:  What do you mean?

Coach:  They can use their heads to maneuver the ball into the goal.  Bounce the ball off their heads!

Chief:  Won't they get egg all over their face?

Coach:  The ball is made of leather.  It only has air in it?

Chief:  Well, won't the air get all over their face?

Coach:  The ball won't break.

Chief:  Oh well that's good.  What's air?

Coach:  So can I organize this game?

Chief:  Well... all right.  But I think they should use their hands, and not their heads.  And maybe use some sticks.

Coach:  I really have to put my foot down. I think they should use their feet and their heads without their hands or sticks.

Chief:  I think you're nuts, but go ahead.  It will never catch on.  So what are the masses?  And what's this air?  And what exactly do you mean round?                               

Chief:  Put his foot down.  It's better to use their heads instead of their hands.  Cavemen today!

Some months later...

Chief:  How's your egg hunt?

Coach:  Some of them really like it, but others still want to use their hands.

Chief:  I knew that.  It will never catch on.

Coach:  I want to try another game.

Chief:  Well of course you do.  I told you.  So what is it?  Tell me!

Coach:  Well, the ball really is shaped like an egg.  And the center bends down, and on the "hut one, hut two" signal pops the ball to the quarterback through his legs, where the hands of the quarterback are waiting in his crotch. The quarterback ..

Chief:  Wait!  Wait!  Wait!  You've got the quarterback”s hands between the legs of the center whose ass in up in the air?

Coach:  That's right.

Chief:  Where exactly did you say?

Coach:  In the center's crotch.

Chief:  Hut One?  Hut Two?  What does that mean?

Coach:  I don't know, I'm just making this game up?  OK?

Chief:  Well OK?  But you really do sound screwy?

Coach:  WooHoo!  Wait till you see the tight ends!  And forward passes! Bye.

Chief:  I think that guy is off his rocker.  I wonder if he's gay?  It sounds like crap to me. Cavemen today! 

Topic: A Self Evident Truth. Our discussion continues.

Cheryl Casone:  "I want to give Congress a business education."

Phil:  "I want every American to have a business education, before they graduate High School.  And to make the Law of Supply and Demand part of the Pledge of Allegiance."

Sylvestor Stallion:  "I am a sensitive writer, actor and director. Talking business disgusts me. If you want to talk business, call my disgusting personal manager."

Phil:  "Save America?   Simple.  An awesome defense, outlaw inflation, outlaw hidden taxation, and create more doctors!  A few more generalists who can see the garden for the trees wouldn't hurt."

Joseph Stalin:  "When we hang the capitalists they will sell us the rope we use."

Phil:  "The government control of the free market?  It boggles the mind. And leads us to uncharted McMurphonomics."

Yogi Berra:  "It's deja vu all over again."

President Obama:  "People are angry at Washington now."

Howard Beale:  "I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not going to take this anymore!"

Phil:  "The American people are familiar with Social Security and Medicare.  Where is all this anger coming from?"

Anne Coulter:  "Crony capitalism."

Martin (The Geico Gecko):  "Right.  Charlie McMurphyism."

Phil:  "Are you smarter than a post graduate?"

Bill Gates:  "So I didn't graduate, but I'm richer than all of them. Ha! And I'm doing something about agrarian science. OK?"

Carlos Slim Helu:  "Bueno."

Howard Beale:  "I don't have to tell you things are bad."

Studio Audience:   "HOW BAD IS IT?"

Johnny Carson: "Well,,, I'll tell you.  Its getting so bad in America,  if you have a high school diploma, you could be an elitist."

Mary Poppins:  "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!"

Paul Harvey:  "Now you know the rest of the story."

John McLaughlin:  "Bye Bye!"

Howard Beale:   "But first get up out of your chairs, open the window, stick your head out, and yell, and say it: I'M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!!!"

Walter Kronkite:  "And that's the way it is."

William Bendix:  "What a revoltin' development this is!"

Phil:  "Do you have a personal relationship with the Multiverse?"

Jon Stewart:  "Go fuck yourselves!"

Phil:  "Does anyone feel the need to go fuck themselves?"

Elmer Fudd:  "Dang wabbit!"

Bill O'Reilly:  "Don't be a popinjay!"

Topic: A Self Evident Truth. Our discussion continues.

Phil:  "Without agricultural science (8000 BC) it takes about 5000 acres to support one human.   Agrarian science allows the hunter-gatherer to settle down.  One acre can now support one human. (5000 BC)  It's good to know when to plant the seed.

Genesis:   But God had said, “But from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat from it you shall surely die” (2:17).

Plato: "χαθούν στη μετάφραση"

Casca: "But, for my own part, it was Greek to me."

Phil:  "3500 BC, The Real Estate industry begins.  A man's home is his castle.  Thus the transition from Cave Man to Condo Dweller begins....though some homo sapiens apparently have yet to come out of their caves or make sense of antidisestablishmentarianism."

Plato:  "Η αλληγορία του σπηλαίου."

Phil:  "The fossilized remains of dragons prove their existence, by George!  And to think the ancient Sumerians only mythologized them."

Joseph Campbell:  "A one sentence definition of mythology? "Mythology" is what we call someone else's religion."

Phil:  "Tragically Hip? I'm updated traditional myself, but that's another story."

Fred Flintstone:  "Yabba dabba doo!"

Jerry Ruben:  "I invented the term Young Urban Professional, Yuppie."

Jerry Falwell:  “AIDS is not just God's punishment for homosexuals; it is God's punishment for the society that tolerates homosexuals."

Bob Orbin: "Are you gay?"(TTW)

Elvis:  "Elvis the Pelvis? You ain't never caught a rabbit, you ain't no friend of mine."

Phil:  "We're going to need a population explosion to spread the debt around."

JFK:  "Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country."

FDR:  "The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself."

Mr. President:  "Can you spare a dime, Bro?"

President Barack Obama:  "That is the true genius of America, a faith in the simple dreams of its people, the insistence on small miracles. That we can say what we think, write what we think, without hearing a sudden knock on the door. That we can have an idea and start our own business without paying a bribe or hearing a sudden knock on the door. That we can participate in the political process without fear of retribution, and that our votes will be counted-or at least, most of the time."

Phil:  "Education, applied science, innovation and entrepreneurship generates real wealth for the people of our nation.  Wall Street spreads the wealth around, thank you."

Will Rogers:  "Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for."

Phil:  "Bureaucrats are the kind of people who get in your way and then ask 'How may I help?'  And finally, object to your suggestions and congratulate themselves for a job well done!"

Thomas Jefferson: “A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have.”

Phil:  If Warren Buffet were a socialist, he would have given all his money to the government, and let the government save AIG.

DDE:  Here in America we are descended in blood and in spirit from revolutionists and rebels -- men and women who dare to dissent from accepted doctrine. As their heirs, we may never confuse honest dissent with disloyal subversion.

HST:  "The buck stops here."

Bill O' Reilly:  "The spin stops here."

Anonymous:  "Hip Hip Hurrah!"

Irving Berlin:  "Yip Yip Yaphank!"

Anonymous:  "Hip Hip Hypnotism!"

Henry Fonda:  "G A F!"

Sam:  "Cheers!"

Cliff:  "Salud!"

H. Cohen:  "You little cocksucker.  Are you ready?"(TTW stomping on floor above)

S. Portelli: "No." No."(TTW stomping on floor above)

KoKo the gorilla: "My cat good."

A-RAB: Where you gonna find Bernardo?

Jeff Goldbaum: "Be afraid, be very afraid."

Bernardo:  "I have seen nothing."

Elton John:  "BBBennie and the jets."

Abigail Adams:  “I've always felt that a person's intelligence is directly reflected by the number of conflicting points of view he can entertain simultaneously on the same topic

Topic: A Self Evident Truth

Cheryl Casone:  "I want to give Congress a business education."

Phil:  "I want every American to have a business education, before they graduate High School.  And to make the Law of Supply and Demand part of the Pledge of Allegiance."

Sylvestor Stallion:  "I am a sensitive writer, actor and director. Talking business disgusts me. If you want to talk business, call my disgusting personal manager."

Phil:  "Save America?   Simple.  An awesome defense, outlaw inflation, outlaw hidden taxation, and create more doctors!  A few more generalists who can see the garden for the trees wouldn't hurt."

Joseph Stalin:  "When we hang the capitalists they will sell us the rope we use."

Phil:  "The government control of the free market?  It boggles the mind. And leads us to uncharted McMurphonomics."

Yogi Berra:  "It's deja vu all over again."

President Obama:  "People are angry at Washington now."

Howard Beale:  "I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not going to take this anymore!"

Phil:  "The American people are familiar with Social Security and Medicare.  Where is all this anger coming from?"

Anne Coulter:  "Crony capitalism."

Martin (The Geico Gecko):  "Right.  Charlie McMurphyism."

Phil:  "Are you smarter than a post graduate?"

Bill Gates:  "So I didn't graduate, but I'm richer than all of them. Ha! And I'm doing something about agrarian science. OK?"

Carlos Slim Helu:  "Bueno."

Howard Beale:  "I don't have to tell you things are bad."

Studio Audience:   "HOW BAD IS IT?"

Johnny Carson: "Well,,, I'll tell you.  Its getting so bad in America,  if you have a high school diploma, you could be an elitist."

Mary Poppins:  "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!"

Paul Harvey:  "Now you know the rest of the story."

John McLaughlin:  "Bye Bye!"

Howard Beale:   "But first get up out of your chairs, open the window, stick your head out, and yell, and say it: I'M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!!!"

Walter Kronkite:  "And that's the way it is."

William Bendix:  "What a revoltin' development this is!"

Phil:  "Do you have a personal relationship with the Multiverse?"

Jon Stewart:  "Go fuck yourselves!"

Phil:  "Does anyone feel the need to go fuck themselves?"

Elmer Fudd:  "Dang wabbit!"

Bill O'Reilly:  "Don't be a popinjay!"